Letter From Cougarbait

Our good friend Greg Eyerly, aka “Cougarbait” recently sent a hilarious letter I thought worth sharing.  Greg has been working overtime with the Midwestern floods, and recently had an ultramarathon race he had been training hard for cancelled from the California wildfires.  We miss you Greg!

So......, desperate as I am for some BJJ in Iowa I decide to head to the purple-belt led new dojo....well, it’s not a new dojo...it’s a really old building.....last night was the Grand Opening night....for you race fans out there that don’t know, this dojo happens to be located a mere 2 miles from the University of Iowa campus....and....I never once thought about what kind of guys would show up to a new dojo that is the only BJJ being taught within a 70 mile radius of the University of Iowa campus, yeah, like, the wrestle mania campus of the world, I think WWF 101 is taught there...well....it’s hot, no air conditioning in the dojo, I am friggen sweating in my gi and I am just standing there.....its a friggen sauna, the mat’s are thinner than a piece of Scotch tape.... I am thinking this is gonna be worse than taking Rexkwando.....Jason, the new dojo guy is a warm and sincere and sincerly buff instructor....I am thinking “gesh, I am gonna get killed by this guy!”....Jason greets me, as I am the first new student to show up to the new dojo, the new old dojo with no AC that is......the next guy that shows up is wearing an University of Iowa wrestling t-shirt and is seriously more buff than Jason the seriously buff new dojo guy...I am thinkin..."gesh, I am gonna get killed by this guy!”....I introduced myself...he says his name is Matt...I am thinkin’ “like jhyeah! Matt Hughes right?”....he looks like Matt Hughes...says he’s never taken any BJJ...says he just entered a submission wrestling tournament and won it last week, first try....I says to myself.."yeah, no kidding, you’re friggen animal”....now I am really sweating in my gi...and I am still just standing there...so the next guy roles in, Jerry, oh...he doesn’t look like Matt Hughes..oh no...rather, like wittle ol’ Quinton Rampage Jackson! is all....and I am thinking..."gesh, I am gonna get killed by this guy too or maybe even three!”....now the sweat in beading up on my forehead and rolling down my face as I stand there in the sweaty lobby of the the new dojo...em’ the new old dojo with no AC, with the new dojo guy instructor guy and two more seriously buffer than the new dojo guy that is already seriously buff....so....the process repeats itself, wrestling stud after wrestling stud.....after wrestling stud… comes into to the dojo...I am thinking..."hmm....maybe I’ll get lucky and one guy won’t be on the wrestling team...????...oh...knowing my luck he will have just been kicked off the wrestling team for fighting or something!!!!”...I am thinking...."I am gonna get killed in this dojo!!!!”....I am the oldest student at 43....the next oldest student is 25....finally....FINALLLY a gal comes into the dojo, she’s wearing a crisp gi with a white belt and a couple of strips...I am thinking..."HA, finally....someone that won’t kill me and I can roll with!”.....Oh no...scrape that plan....she’s the instructor’s girlfriend...no rolling with her!!!....

So, we gather around..sweat is just pouring off of me and I haven’t done a thing except sweat...we do a few drills....I show off my honed snake moves on the mat..."oh yeah take that wrestling thugs!”......I am smoking the warm-up drills, all that Roy Dean disciplined training...all the DVD watching...I am top notch at warming up...as anyone knows...after warm-ups...my whole BJJ game goes down hill, except for tapping...I can transition into the tap with the best of them.......we do some basic throws...I have no idea if the neanderthal that I was working with did anything right with respect to the hip throw, but I went flying every time!!!!....besides, even if he was hacking up the technique, I wasn’t going to say anything, he might supplex my ass or something....And when the gorillia started for my arm after the throw, I tapped before he could get his meat-hooks around my wrist....when we were done with drilling on throws and the arm bar.....Thank the BJJ Gods...Jason said we wouldn’t be rolling for a couple of weeks, until he has a chance to roll with each of us becasue he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt....I am thinking..."hurt...how about killed!”....so politely, I reminded everyone in the class that...1) I am 43 years old....2) BJJ is a secondary sport for me...I am a runner first....3) Runners don’t bend, they break! 4) If you one of you animals want to practice your future MMA skills on someone....don’t roll with me!!!

It wasn’t the Roy Dean Academy, but I knew it wouldn’t be going in, it’s the only thing I have right now. Jason Clarke the instructor is well-meaning, he want’s to do a good job, he’s new to teaching too, it’s a old raunchy place for a dojo, but it’s what we have, so...for the time being...I’ll have to take my chances with the Hawkeye wrestling team because I ain’t rolling with his girlfriend!!!!

-CB